Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize