at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
