Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
