Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
