I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
