If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
