I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
