Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
