Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
