....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
