Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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