Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
