Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
