please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
