# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
