There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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