i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
