Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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