In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
