took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
