Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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