Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize