remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
