Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
