Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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