normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
