For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
