never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
