Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
