i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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