Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
two words...techno handjob
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All I want is dick and wine.
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