White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
