Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
