You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
