i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
