Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
