omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
