dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
