dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
