We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
