I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
