Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
