After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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