I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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