Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
