thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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