It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
