Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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