GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And then my night got REAL pukey
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
