i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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