Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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