Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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