When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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