doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
