trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
