the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
