she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
