you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
