Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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