She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
