I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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