a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
