i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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