I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
