Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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