so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
