Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
