Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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